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Hitman: Agent 47 (2015) Reviewed By Jay

United States, 13 August 2015

 

Jay´s Review

A woman searches for her father who abandoned her when she was a young girl. She joins forces with an assassin who saves her from another assassin. Now she has to figure out which assassin to trust while we, on the other hand, have to figure out if we care. 


Directed by Aleksander Bach ("Stars") and based on a screenplay by Skip Woods ("Hitman" 2007) and Michael Finch ("The November Man"), this R-rated actioner takes place in sterile hi-tech surroundings and offers a complex arms-length plot which is neither involving nor entertaining. Knowing it was inspired by a video game makes this much more understandable.

The award-winning cast:
  • * Hannah Ware ("Betrayal") Katia van Dees is our heroine, frantic to find her scientist father before she is assassinated. She is confused and unhappy.
  • * Zachary Quinto ("Star Trek" he's the new SpockJohn Smith is the assassin who saves our heroine from the assassin. He has been equipped with subcutaneous body armor (our screening audience snickered) and is virtually indestructible.
  • * Rupert Friend ("Homeland") Agent 47 is an assassin who has known our heroine all her life; he saves her from that other assassin. He is ambidextrous, so he fires guns with both hands simultaneously.
  • * Ciarán Hinds ("Rome") is her father, the scientist who developed these semi-robotic creations who could become a formidable army if his technology fell into the wrong hands,.
By actual count, there are six (6!) "Hitman" movies so far, but the one who inspired this sequel is the 2007 version with Timothy Olyphant. We aren't sure if even the appealing presence of Mr. O. could have saved this one. Probably not.... Screenwriters take delight in inventing newer, more gruesome instruments of torture. I do NOT take delight from them.

Please note, I said "award-winning cast" and it's true: Every actor in this cast has done far better work in far better projects. This is an R-rated waste of time buried in lots of gunfire, fisticuffs, vehicular mayhem and blowie uppie stuff, with surprisingly little profanity and no sweaty bodies. You will not care whether or not this has a happy ending.

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