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Machete Kills (2013) Reviewed By Jay

United States, 21 August 2013


  • Genre: Movies
  • Runtime: 130 mins

Jay´s Review

Another audacious chapter in Robert Rodriquez's ridiculous, profane, gory franchise. Make no mistake, this R-rated blood-splattered slaughterhouse had us hooting with laughter from the first "Coming Attractions." This is about Mexican drug cartels, double agents, the CIA and the President of the United States. Oh...and one muy feo hombre who has done it all. (Watch this ugly man's eyes when they hang him!)

These folks clearly were having a blast:

  • * Danny Trejo ("Machete") The indestructible Machete "don't text!"
  • * Jessica Alba ("Sin City") Sartana is there when he needs her.
  • * Michelle Rodriguez ("Fast & Furious") Luz is still running a taco stand.
  • * Amber Heard ("The Rum Diary") is Miss San Antonio.
  • * Sofia Vergara (Lots of TV) is Desdemona, a madam to die for.
  • * Mel Gibson ("Tim") Luz sees the end of the world and doesn't like it.
  • * Alexa Vega ("Spy Kids") is KillJoy; her name says it all.
  • * Demian Bichir ("The Heat") is Mendez, BOTH of them!
  • * Walt Goggins ("Justified") is La Camaleón 1
  • * Cuba Gooding Jr ("Don Jon") is La Camaleón 2
  • * Lady Gaga (some TV) is La Camaleón 3
  • * Antonio Banderas ("Desperado") is La Camaleón 4 (great chuntaros!)
  • * Carlos Estevez aka Charlie Sheen ("Anger Management") Mr. President needs help from our hero.

There is no way to justify the glee with which our screening audience greeted each politically incorrect, grisly scene. Action piled upon action, no nudity, lots of fisticuffs and gunfire, but Machete's weapon of choice? Yup, you guessed it. All that blowie uppie stuff is for sissies!

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