First a little background: In 2007, a couple of audacious film writers, Quentin
Tarantino ("Pulp Fiction") and Robert Rodriguez ("Sin City"), wrote two feature-
length horror films linked by fake trailers for more of the same, presented as one
offering. Fanboys went NUTS! Plus they started begging for one of the spoofs
featured in trailers!

Thus was "Machete" born.

This blood-splattered (but humor-laced) potboiler illustrates the far-reaching
tentacles of the drug cartels south of the border and the political chicanery north
of the border. Our story centers on one muy feo hombre whose weapon of choice
is...you guessed it...a machete! He is a former Mexican Federale who is now an
illegal immigrant, just trying to get work as a laborer.

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Former real life felon Danny Trejo ("Dark Games") plays our ugly fellow,
a tragedy-scarred loner, a man of few words.

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Former action star Steven Seagal ("Southern Justice") is the brutal jefe
honcho of the Mexican cartel.

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Former tabloid queen Lindsay Lohan ("Mean Girls") is the messed-up
daughter of a political functionary.

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Former marijuana front man Cheech Marin ("The Perfect Game") is
Machete's brother turned priest.

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Former heartthrob Don Johnson ("When in Rome") is a lawman, a stogie-
smokin' Good Ole Boy.

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Jeff Fahey (LOTS of TV) brings plenty of blue-eyed charm to his role as a
political strategist.

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Robert De Niro ("Meet the Fockers") is a racist state senator running for
reelection on an anti-immigrant platform.

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Jessica Alba ("Little Fockers") wears spike heels as a hard-working DEA
agent! (Her hair looks so clean!)

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Michelle Rodriguez ("Avatar") runs a taco stand in a van. She darn near
steals the film.

This is an over-the-top, highly exaggerated view of the immigration problem. The
bloodshed and the betrayals, however, are probably right on the money.

You'll either love it or you'll hate it.