Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 1999

(click here to skip to this movie's rating)

If anything I say below, "spoils" the story of Joan of Arc for you, then our school systems are sorry, indeed. Which, ironically enough, I'll be addressing in my review of Light It Up. But first things first... THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**) The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc is based on the story of Joan of Arc (Milla Jovovich), an obsessively-religious woman of medieval times who wanted to fight for her country, alongside manly men (who, of course, didn't want her there), after hearing voices and seeing visions which she says were God telling her to save France by kicking England's butt in the war between the nations. In payment for her saving the kingdom of France and leading then-Dauphin Charles (John Malkovich, woefully miscast) to the throne as King, he and his mother-in-law Yolande (Faye Dunaway) give her the old Rosie-The-Riveter, seeyalaterbye treatment - and worse. THE UPSHOT Like so many movies I've seen lately, "Joan" was schizophrenic: the first half was mostly enjoyable, and the second half just made me scratch my head and go "huh?" I realized, early on, that I had to get over two things, or I'd never be able to just go with the flow of the movie: first, almost none of the stars even bothered to fake either an English or a French accent - not even a bad accent; hearing Malkovich's "real" voice was jarring enough, but when Hoffman's character - and his drawl - got going during the last half of the movie...Haysus H. Christopher, I thought I was gonna bust a gut! And second, like the Bible, no one really knows enough about the background behind these types of historical events to do much more than make it up as they go along (hence, the term "based on..."); and in these modern times, the general movie-going audience won't sit still through almost three hours of dull, dry history. Not that spiced-up, romanticized history fares better with that three hours, but still. Being able to get past those things, worked, for a little while anyway; up until a certain point, I was able to suspend my disbelief rather well; I might even be so generous as to say that up to the halfway point, I liked "Joan", the movie. Past the Joan character herself, I enjoyed the secondary French military characters (whom I honestly cannot differentiate, so I won't even try), especially the cannon guy; the soldiers were kinda groovy (except, of course, the bad English guys), so I just rolled with it for a bit. But three major factors (four, if you count the tedious length of the movie. And don't jump to conclusions: I've seen many films that were longer than this one, and have enjoyed every minute) lead to me giving a lower rating for "Joan": first, the extreme ease with which the military men accepted her into the fold - their glossed-over, short-lived protests were laughable, and the over-protectiveness of the archer proved that Joan was more a hindrance than a help. I love a Strong Chick as much as the next person, but let's be real: today's men aren't that easily convinced that women can hang with them in battle; no way in hell would she have gotten in back then just because she wrote a few letters and whatnot. Second, Hoffman's character in toto - what the hell WAS that? - and Malkovich being used only and solely as comic relief. I won't even go into that Inquisitor thingy Hoffman was doing; it was deep into the second half, which I had long written-off, so it no longer mattered; but Malkovich's character just rubbed me the wrong way. And lastly, the criminal way Joan herself is made out to be a looney, beyond redemption. As played by Jovovich, I wouldn't follow Joan into a grocery store, much less into battle. Yes, I realize that history paints Joan as a martyr who might have had a few screws loose, but her scenes came out of some psychedelic 60s hippie mushroom movie. I know if I was in the French Army, seeing her standing around screaming and otherwise wiggin' out, wouldn't go a long way towards convincing me to put my life in her hands. Apart from a funny scene with Hoffman's character describing how Joan's "miraculous" sword might actually have come to be next to her in the field where she first started having visions, and Malkovich's prissy act as the Charles Who Would Be King ("You call that a crown?"), the big-name stars were a distraction to this movie; their time on-screen could have been better spent in giving the male actors more to do than just stand around worrying about Joan, and in making Joan a character you could see going into battle with, not lacing into a straightjacket. THE "BLACK FACTOR"    [ObDisclaimer: We Are Not A Monolith] [This one'll sound like a reach, but work with me] "God told me to tell you something." If there's one thing that many of us non-monolithic Black folk have in common, it's church and religion. No, religion isn't just A Black Thing, but I've heard the above so much in my formative years, that the similarity between Joan's religious Issues, and experiences I've had with The Church, was striking to me. Joan (in this version, anyway) was adamant to the point of obsession about her relationship to God - but Joan, like many of us, soon came to the painful conclusion that religion, church, and God, are not necessarily on the same continuum. The conclusion (which anyone who didn't flunk elementary history should know) was particularly poignant in that respect, and - seeing how hypocritical "religious leaders" these days have ruined people's personal experience of religion by putting their own spin on what "God told them to say" - it's not necessarily a "thing of the past". No, we may not burn our zealots at the stake - but the way too many lives are ruined in the name of God, we may as well do so. BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE Never did the phrase "Losin' My Religion" mean quite as much... THE MESSENGER: THE STORY OF JOAN OF ARC:   back to top And that's the way I see it. Rose "Bams" Cooper 3BlackChicks Review™ Copyright Rose Cooper, 1999 EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com    ICQ: 7760005 http://www.3blackchicks.com/