Bammer's Ten Second Bringing Out The Dead Review: My lord, this movie was a vapid pile of excrement. THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**) Frank Pierce (Nicolas Cage) Lost His Religion after working as a Noo Yawk paramedic for so long, he became burnt-out. A major contributing factor in his burnout was his inability to save the life a young homeless girl named Rose (Cynthia Roman), whom he now sees everywhere he looks; a ghost, haunting him. Having no such trouble (being haunted, that is), are his Partners-For-A-Day, Larry (John Goodman), the paramedic who has seen no food he could not eat; Marcus (Ving Rhames), a preachin' paramedic with a Thing for the disembodied, sultry voice of The (female) Dispatcher (voiced by Queen Latifah; the male dispatcher was director Martin Scorsese); and Tom (Tom Sizemore), a ruffneck paramedic whose take-no-prisoners attitude finally drives Frank to...something or another. In the midst of all this ensuing wackiness, Frank picks up on Mary Burks (Patricia Arquette), a woman whose father (Cullen O. Johnson) had a heart attack on Frank and Larry's...ah, forget it. THE UPSHOT I spent considerable time and effort in reviewing and analyzing the sublime The Best Man, and the much-lesser Crazy In Alabama; but I can't get it up for Bringing Out The Dead, a story with no, zero, none, zilch, nada, redeeming features. Not a one. Actors aside, I refuse to believe that the director behind this is the same man who brought us Goodfellas, Raging Bull, and Taxi Driver. I refuse. Believing that would cause me to lose faith in The Power Of Movies. Whatever Cage earned for this flick, he needs to give it back. When the very first thought that comes to a viewer's mind when seeing the star is, "damn, he looks like one of the dead" (and not in the way Scorsese intended it), things can't help but go downhill from there. And I'm sorry; all of the Neato Gee Whiz special effects in the world, couldn't have put this Humpty Dumpty together again. Its story was nowhere to be found, and the lead actor's spirit was off contemplating his next flick; but what of the supporting cast? Well, as with many movies today, they were the only things holding up this disappointing series of moving images. Goodman played his usual Big Jolly Goofball, but the amongst the Big Names, the real joys were to be had in Sizemore and his "Sure, I'll save you - right after I kick your ass, you worthless piece of slime" paramedic on the other side of sanity, and most definitely in the always-delightful Rhames and his powerful command of whatever character he plays (plus his surprising foil, and the artist I'd most love to meet, Queen La - who had the line of the night when as the Dispatcher, she said one of the patients she was dispatching the paramedics to, was "hearing celebrity voices"). Unfortunately, besides Afemo Omilami as Gris (whose gimmick gruffness was cute the first dozen times, but wore out its welcome quickly), Captain Barney (Arthur J. Nascarella), very good as a man struggling to maintain paramedic morale in a thankless position, and in a marvelously low-key role, Mary Beth Hurt as Constance, The Nurse Who Don't Play That, most of the other characters were as throwaway as the movie itself. Marc Anthony did nothing for me in his role as dirty dreaded Noel; Dr. Hazmat (Nestor Serrano) could've been put on a tape reel and repeated over and over, with no appreciable difference (and - Hazmat, get it? Yeah, that's what I said, too); and I kept wondering what The Point of Cy Coates (Cliff Curtis), Drug Dealer, was supposed to be. And yes, there is a special place reserved in Bad Actors Hell for Cage's main squeeze, Patricia Arquette. As for Ms. Arquette, I have to completely agree with The Diva, who said in her review of Stigmata, "Patricia girl, you are married to Nicholas Cage, I know you can afford it...get your grill fixed. Nothing wrong with wearing braces in your 30's. You are too cute to have jacked up 'teef'." THE "BLACK FACTOR"    [ObDisclaimer: We Are Not A Monolith] You Know You're Watching A Bad Movie When...you hope someone makes Gris mad enough to take off his shades. BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE I sentence thee, Arquette, to a dentist's appointment. And as for you, Nick, try to hook up that Superman movie. Can't be much worse than this one. But if this is what The Dead look like, please, take them back. BRINGING OUT THE DEAD:   back to top And that's the way I see it. Rose "Bams" Cooper 3BlackChicks Review™ Copyright Rose Cooper, 1999 EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com    ICQ: 7760005 http://www.3blackchicks.com/